Eternal s and b

From Seymour Krim, “The Insanity Bit”:

‘I went instead to a Polish bar in downtown Newark, vaguely seeking the eternal anodynes of snatch and booze while I mentally played with my fate.’

Eternal snatch and booze?

Hell, yeah, I’m going to Newark!

Resume (for a friend)

Experience:

  • Menace,
  • Dentist,
  • Oral Hygenist

Achievements:

  • Smoke so much weed you wouldn’t believe,
  • Get more ass than a toilet seat,
  • Met a bad bitch last night in the ‘D’,
  • Made her leave with me via conversation and Hennessy
  • Been to the motherfucking mountaintop
  • Heard motherfuckers talk
  • Seen them drop

Skills:

  • If I ain’t got a weapon I’ll pick up a rock,
  • When I bust your ass I’ll continue to rock

Hobbies:

  • I like good pussy,
  • I like good tree

Plan of action:

  • Get buzzed,
  • Get drunk,
  • Get krunked,
  • Get fucked up,
  • Hit the strip club, remembering ones,
  • Get dick rubbed,
  • Get fucked,
  • Get sucked,
  • Get wasted, shit faced-ed, pasted, plastered,
  • Puke drink off,
  • Get a new drink,
  • Hit the bathroom sink (blech),
  • Wipe shoe clean,
  • Get a routine

Looking for:

  • Girl with a body and a sexy strut,
  • Girl that will do whatever the fuck I say (every day she’ll be giving it up),
  • A couple of bitches with some Double-Ds,
  • Girl I can fuck in my Hummer truck,
  • Apple Bottom jeans and a big ole’ butt,
  • Bitch that’ll sit at the crib with no panties on (knows that she can but she won’t say ‘no’.)
  • Looking for a slut.

Mistakes I’ve learned from:

  • I told Nate you were a freak,
  • I told him that you like it from behind.

TTFN, tequila

At the end of the day

all I want

or all it seems I want

is that tequila.

As I see the last drop of

my one shot of

tequila

slip to the lips

all I want

is that last drop of

tequila

and the whole bottle

to last

forever.

Panty melter

the singer tonight,

he ‘melts womens’ panties.’

Impressive, but this mad skill like will not get you into my

Tequlia Club -

rule one of the first three rules one is

No Skirts.

your panty melting skills mean nothing

here.

the singer tonight,

he ‘melted my wife’s panties’

but then ate her gumbo…

plasma.

the singer tonight made plasma

of my wife’s panties.

the singer tonight ate my wife’s gumbo and made plasma of her panties.

Big whoop.

the singer tonight was like, ‘yeah, that’s what they say.’

If I could

melt panties

“mmmfmffmmffmmff” would be my catch phrase,

but that’s just any straight guy talking.

I’m not impressed,

singer tonight.

Does this ring a bell…

“mmmfmffmmffmmff”?

Didn’t think so,

singer tonight.